I usually write lists of 13, but when it comes to the parent-kid universe, there are sooooo many things that don’t go together—eventually I had to make myself stop at 20.

1. Motherhood and white pants.

2. A wad of toilet paper and the washing machine.

3. Carpet and Play-Doh  Kool-aid  milk  children.

4. A five-month-old in your arms, and dangly earrings in your ears.

5. A grumpy baby and a crowded airplane.

6. A child with a runny nose looking for a snuggle, and your best black shirt.
   

7. A trip to Target and a barely-there bank balance.

8. Potty trainers and public bathrooms.

9. Poop and Pull-ups.

10. Poop and swim diapers.

11. A potty trainer who needs to poop (but can’t or won’t tell you they need to poop), and a nice relaxing bubble bath with their sibling… Okay, I’ll stop with the poop theme now. Sorry. It’s just, some days it seems my entire life revolves around poop. 

12. A bowl of apples on the table, and a hungry toddler who has learned to climb.

    

13. Pacifiers and babies with stuffy noses.

14. Toddlers and food.

15. Toddlers and sand.

16. Toddlers and “no.”

17. Toddlers and paint.

18. Toddlers and crayons.

19. Toddlers and makeup.

20. Toddlers and pens.

See what I mean? We could go on like this for days. The point is: Babies and toddlers and the real world . . . a messy, dangerous, but hilarious combination. No wonder we’re so tired. Let’s all go take a nap.

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