The sibling struggle is real, y’all. I offer photographic proof from my own home.
Exhibit A:
Exhibit B:
But then there are moments like this (when they don’t know you’re looking):
A few thoughts before we get to the scriptures…
Siblings are one of the greatest blessings—and challenges—of childhood. They reveal kids’ character as no other relationships do. Siblings force each other to learn how to be selfless, flexible, forgiving, resilient, patient, self-controlled, and a thousand other things. With God’s help and parents’ guidance, sibling relationships can develop into a lifelong source of joy and friendship. I believe this is possible because I saw what my parents, by God’s grace, built in my family growing up (four kids who still really like and enjoy each other, even as adults—talk about a modern-day miracle!). We didn’t just have “good chemistry”; our closeness was no accident. Over the years, many tears were shed; countless apologies were made. Watching the work my parents put into our family, I learned a valuable lesson that I cling to now that I’m building my own family of four crazy kids: Close, caring sibling relationships don’t “just happen.” And it’s not just the “lucky families” who get to enjoy them. Any family can build close sibling relationships—any family! yours too!—if they are willing to put the work in, and do it God’s way.
Cultivating sweet sibling friendships takes intense, daily effort from every member of the family—first the parents, then the kids. Kids don’t just outgrow their mean, petty, selfish behaviors—they have to be taught and disciplined and reminded until they learn to act otherwise. If we the parents allow cruel words, insults, sarcasm, shouting, and even hitting and violence between our children, then those behaviors will continue. When we allow these behaviors to go undealt with for a long time, we are setting our kids up for increasing resentment and antagonism that will only build, year by year. That’s the bad news. The good news is, it doesn’t have to be that way.
Kevin and I are working so hard (SO! HARD!) to encourage close relationships among our four kids—and some days it’s just an exhausting grind. Sometimes I wonder if we’re getting through, if they’ll ever be as close as we dream they will be. But then we see sparks of hope, signs of progress—our miserly son sharing gum with his sisters, unprompted; the six-year-old, caring more for the two-year-old’s fair ride experience than for her own; the nine-year-old not losing her temper when a sibling leaves the cap off her favorite markers for the zillionth time. I see these seeds of hope and affection sprouting, and pray that as we continue to nurture them, they will grow into wondrous friendships that give us ALL joy our whole lives long. Kevin and I are determined. With the help of God and scriptures like the ones listed here, we will not give up.
We will not let this go.
Our kids will get along, and they will like it!
As my mother always says, “We’re going to love each other in this family, even if it kills us!”
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Here are 13 scriptures to help siblings get along:
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“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Ephesians 4:2
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“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21
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“Do not say, ‘I’ll do to them as they have done to me; I’ll pay them back for what they did.’ ” Proverbs 24:29
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“And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.” Hebrews 13:16
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“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Philippians 2: 3–4
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“How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!” Psalm 133:1
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“The entire law is summed up in a single command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.” Galatians 5:14–15
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“ ‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” Ephesians 4:26
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“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29
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“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32
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“If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.” Luke 17:3–4
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“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1
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“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers…. Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth.” 1 John 3:16,18
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5 Ways to Help Siblings Become Close Friends
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Thank you! I often worry about the relationship my kids will have with one another as they grow up. They fight a lot, but underneath that I can tell that they care very deeply about each other. My brothers and I fought a lot as kids, but we are best friends now. Unfortunately, it is the opposite for my husband and his siblings.
It really is a tough thing to figure out for EVERY family—it’s natural for them to disagree a lot, and have to work hard on their relationships over the years; I remember how hard my siblings and I had to work on things, with our parents’ help—I hope and pray that my kids turn out as best friends in the end, the way you and your brothers did!
Thank you so much. Very helpful. Gonna pray pray pray 🙂
Yes! The “pray, pray, pray” part is key! I’m doing the same for my crew!
Hey Lizzy. Thank you for the article. It’s so timely, now that my children are home for their holidays for two months!
Sincerely, I was anxious about the whole issue of parenting and sibling rivalry.
I feel directed on the right path.
Bless you.
Oh, good! I hope you enjoy having them home, and that they enjoy each other while they are home! Wishing you lots of good memories in the next two months (and always).
I LOVE this, my friend. Such great insights and encouraging truths to surely share with my own kids. 🙂
We’re ALWAYS looking for ways to help our kids get along better, Chris! It’s a constant battle, but with great rewards when we see growth! 😀
Thank you Elizabeth- keep ’em coming. Our three year old is all those things. We are having a blast with her and I am so grateful to be home with her to teach her all these things. I think what you said about confidence is the key for me. She loves to sing, to laugh, and to play, she is already reading; and when I take care to make sure those needs are met she is happier to listen when I am disciplining her. But she is so strongwilled( like we are) and also very tall and model beautiful. Help! Pls also give advice about possible half day day care- or anything you might know about Montessori. God is good. 🙂
She sounds like a wonderful, strong-willed girl! My kids have always gone to preschool a few mornings a week, and I think the stronger the child, the more they need an outlet like this. She will probably thrive in the group environment! It teaches a lot about taking turns, submitting to authority, doing what’s best for the group instead of the individual…all such valuable lessons! Plus, it’s just fun. I’ve never done a Montessori program with my kids, so I’m afraid I can’t speak from personal experience there…but it sounds like you’re doing a great job meeting the needs of a strong and talented girl. I know how tough it is when you’re parenting a precocious child who likes to keep you on your toes! Keep it up! 🙂
Thank you for sharing the 13 Scriptures to help siblings get along… I just read it and I am going to forward it to my daughter… She has 4 boys ages 2,3, 7, and 9 year olds… They get along really good but the 13 Scriptures you wrote can bring them closer together and help them build a stronger bond with each other… I love to see siblings that have close relationships with each other…. I have an older sister and she makes it impossible for us to get along… I wish my momma would have read your article when me and my sister were younger… Maybe then we would be close today or at least be able to walk in the same room and be civil with each other… Thank you again and I am looking forward to reading more of your articles… May God continue to bless you and your family…
I’m so thankful these scriptures spoke to you, and I hope they are a blessing to your daughter! Sibling dynamics can be really tough. I pray God brings healing in your relationship with your sister!